Volcano Chain

in the year of the fire horse,
I am left to wonder...

will I be inevitable
like the basil I just buried?
Will I be gone sooner
rather than later?

In the great volcano chain
that started with fish
crawling out of the wet ether,
and meets me here
on land
in the foul middle.

what is the future exactly
of it is always unraveling?

like a table cloth
under a never ending feast
of fortune and crumbs,
my life is a note on the piano
in the corner of the universe. 


Rant #8012

I followed my dreams
from white ghetto trailer parks
in the shadow of Disney World,
in the whiskey wake of an alcoholic mother,
to a wonderfully wild
and wayward decade in NYC,
in bars and basements,
through the battlefields 
of sobriety and self-contempt,
through foggy forests of love, lethargy,
loss, goodness, grace, grief, and hope,
into a a garbage dump behind a Taco Bell of cancer, 
off a fucking cliff,
and I will keep following them
until my time and adventures expire. 


Mind Full

I read a book faster
if it has short chapters.
I get the dishes done quicker
if I take it one teacup at a time.

I like puzzles
but I hate knots.
I loathe people
but I love gatherings.

I like too much stuff.
Being creative is a curse.
I wish I were an ignorant 
downtrodden ditch digger. 

From hip-hop to punk rock,
sneakers to hats,
skateboarding to basketball,
poetry to comedy to philosophy.

I love Halloween,
but I hate dressing up. 
I love orange juice,
but hate eating oranges. 


Consider the Otter

Grace you are better
than a bathroom selfie.

I am worse than someone's
rabbit foot good luck charm.

Grace you are greater
than a forgotten Friday poem.

I wanna be someone's
Monday night little spoon.

Grace you are a grave
and I am a new corpse. 


What is alive? What is true?

is the zebra true?
are her stripes alive?

we are all just trying 
to change
or fighting change.

from my blue pen on paper,
inner sensations emerge,
formed at the intersection of childhood memories 
and the lived experience of the present moment.

am I alive?
am I true?


Monday mornings in an endless February

Dunking Biscoff cookies into my coffee,
Google-mapping an address:
3657 Broadway, Unit 4B
New York NY 10031

I am finally able to listen
to Young the Giant
and the Avett Brothers
without thinking of Biddy's.

After printing out poems,
I go to the hotels near the marina,
and slide pages under all the doors,
then I eat lunch, charging it to one of the rooms. 

I guess (I trust),
this is what battling cancer looks like, 
and my daughter just got braces,
and the US just bombed Iran.


Emo Song

call me
lets catch up
and not talk
about cancer

I can't change
the past
and I don't have
any answers

but i can
make you laugh...

let’s talk about music
that saved us
in bedrooms with the lights off
when the world felt smaller
and survivable

I know there’s a shadow
in every room now
I know it hums
behind every sentence

but for one night
let me be
the guy with the punchline
not the diagnosis

call me
we’ll sit in the wreckage
and pretend it’s just
another Friday

I can’t fix this
I can’t outrun it

but I can still
make you laugh
like the ending
isn’t written yet.

What the fuck is going on inside my body?

sitting in a parking lot
engine ticking
some old song leaking through the speakers

trying to read
the same paragraph
for the fifth time

chemo brain—
like somebody rearranged
the furniture in my skull
and won’t give me the map

it’s getting harder
to pretend this is ordinary
harder to act like
the body isn’t running
a side hustle of betrayal

i eat crackers
because they’re neutral
because they don’t argue
because the stomach has become
a small, suspicious country

life keeps moving—
traffic lights,
coffee cups,
people checking their phones

and inside me
cells are holding meetings
I wasn’t invited to

what the fuck
is going on in there

i’d just like
to clock out of this skin
for a minute

and come back
to something
recognizable.


Having a Tough Rewrite

close all my tabs
and rot in hell.

sip rooibos 
in silence.

boredom doesn't exist
in my business.

I crave creativity
and constant motion.

having a rough go
of writing my future.

but I still hold the pen
and punch the typer tonight. 


Breviloquent

I scroll bookstagram
And feel my chest as I breathe.

Inside is a heart
And a bunch of other shit.

It’s just a muscle
But it carries the weight of my world.

Stupid little thing,
Keeping me alive.

And I’m here just adding books
To my Amazon cart.

And farting in Walmart sheets
While she is in the shower.

Maybe I’ll eat a bunch of cake,
Add to the arteries’ story.


She/We

She was from Long Island
and looked like Chloe Sevigny.

We listened to The Antlers
and told stories about who we were
back in 2010.

She drank wine
and read my poetry aloud,
much to my external dismay
but my internal delight. 

We gave the night
a welcomed cadence
of youthful optimism. 

Turns out we both
frequented Sessions 73
around the same summer.

We kissed at 11:11
but that's about it. 


the belated tide

roses are red

and I am not dead.


sorry, Longfellow,

I got shit to do!


when I find myself 

swimming in your sea,

i say this is heaven. 


so I wont be meeting you

in hell.




Poem

been at my job for four years.
been battling cancer for almost two years.
been sober for 5 years. 
been grateful my whole life. 
been better.
been worse.


Tensword

I am wrecked 
like a Dodge Stratus
that has seen
better days.

I was a cowboy once,
convinced to be
an outlaw
inside. 

One hundred pancakes
can't fix me,
but time can,
cuz it has before. 

Just gotta get
through this week
to live the next,
whatever it brings. 

i put the CAN in cancer...

i work three jobs, 
host a podcast no one asked for, 
hammer at a script, a kids book, a novel, 
stack pages like unpaid bills, 
five years sober and still thirsty for something better, 
pack school lunches, help with school projects, 
stare down the dark like it owes me rent...
if this thing wants my body it better clock in too, 
because i’m not done.


Asking What's For Dinner At Breakfast

Diverted my stride 
while navigating a Cliff Bar
with my mouth, no hands, 
because I didn't have time
for breakfast before
bolting for Port Authority
to get the hell outta here
for a spell or more.

Saw someone that looked
like her, but with red hair,
while The Stone Roses
were singing in my ear
about sea lemons and such,
as if I needed a reminder. 

I am never present,
and everyone outcome 
is a come down,
but what's the difference
between Mexican food
and Cuban food?

Lord have mercy 
on my rough and rowdy days,
how stupid of me
to forget how far I've come
just because I still have
far to go. 


Teeth in Heart

Ethan Hawke's daughter wears a Smith College shirt
in the final episode of Stranger Things.

Early one morning the sun was shining
I was laying in bed, 
listening to Bob Dylan,
wondering if she notices these little reminders.

opening up a book of italian poems,
all the while the past is always close behind.


I’m still here counting the quiet like it answers anything at all.

There’s a train rolling somewhere past the treeline,
it don’t stop here no more.
The screen door’s humming like a nervous witness,
dust dancing on the floor.

I got a coffee going cold on the nightstand,
got your name caught in my throat,
like a harmonica bent out of key
on a long and lonesome note.

They say time is a clean white highway,
but mine’s full of side roads and sparks.
Every sign points straight to the future,
but the rearview’s lit up in the dark.

You left your poems on the rumbler,
like evidence I can’t ignore.
Teeth in heart, babe, teeth in heart,
and I’m bleeding metaphors.

The radio’s preaching redemption,
the preacher’s asking for cash,
I’m thumbing through saints and strangers
in a paperback smelling like ash.

If love’s just a ghost in the circuitry,
flickering blue in the night,
why does it bite like a memory
and glow like a dashboard light?


bad half dollar

I hate money.
and I hate that my health costs so much of it. 
from scopes up my butt to gnarly surgeries.
I will be paying to live.
until I die.


I don't know no snakes

I imagine Hashem saying,
I will make it up to you.
I will give you three wishes.
Let me have all the days
with my daughter
Let me stand at the kitchen sink,
eating cookies, and watching
the squirrels out the window.
Let my backyard
be filled with little creatures.
That's it. I am simple.