“How do you have hope?”

two things make people change:
their mind has been open,
or their heart has been broken.
and I have experienced both...relatively recently.

after the crushing solitude of lying,
an unconcealed nod to lonesomeness,
and a battle with the bottle,
the choice to be happy was easy. 

I ask myself how I have hope,
just to remind myself to write it,
here in this stupid blog,
and in steam on the glass shower door.

if it is a struggle
to have hope or be happy,
then it is not in the cards;
you have to want it, selfishly.