Dust

when November and December happened,
I didn't want to go on. I don't know. 
I don't feel the same way, not exactly. 

replaying old anxieties in my head,
masturbating out of obligation,
now I see that one day comes after another
and you get through them on measure at a time. 

but I'd still like to go.
I don't want to die,
I just want to go away.