be present, they say,
but the variables make it hard,
because you have to think
about paychecks and death,
while pretending to like work
and your neighbors who
only talk about jogging
and their dumb dog.
I wonder what its like
to not be afraid?
whether it is big like jobs
and worrying about my kid,
or small like making sure
I put down my phone
and read and write,
I always wonder
what its like
to not have at least a tiny bit
of anxiety and dread
with you at all times...
I grieve the future
because of fear.