are you a life force?

this year my soul has gotten so much older.
each day I feel like the sunrise is laughing at me. 
I wish I were a lake so my reflection could laugh back.

far from my home, I don't know where to go. 
meet my blood and my books.
one sits on shelves and the other flows.

far from mine, love is left outside.
beat my heart and see my mind.
the birds circle shoulders damned to swoop.

in the end, I wish I had her from the start.
struggled to see past my nose.
always had more coyotes than dark victories.