Suicide by Heart Attack

Drunk on Autumn and nostalgia,
and the fantasy of getting to see the turns my life didn’t take,
instead of a gentle surrealist bedroom farce.

Before long, she gets a visitor. 
It’s the Ryan she first met, the one she fell in love with 
when they were both tender and innocent.

As both a dramatist and a situational prankster, 
the idea of talking to your love's younger self is a resonant one, 
but let's up the ante: 

Here, she will meet not just Ryan's younger self 
but the woman he nearly went off with instead. 

Along with his old lover and his younger self,
this is a meditation on love, but before long 
it starts to feel as overstuffed as a family reunion at Thanksgiving,
and thus it gives me anxiety to think about.

So let's stop
and enjoy the regrets
that led us here
to this self-referential poem.

It will be about memory! 
The ache of the possible! 
The lure of the impossible!

It doesn’t contrast romantic possibilities;
I juggle them, until you’re dying for my younger self 
to put his arms down.

That's how I remember, today.
Arrested, cardiac, wishing.
We all have the ability to time travel.