the dream started off at a Glorious Veins show
somewhere, not New York, and I was at the bar alone
when you walked in.
our eyes danced, pretending,
trying not to get caught in glances
or extended contact.
oh, what a game it was.
you sat far away,
and I mimed laughter with the girl next to me,
hoping you would see and get jealous, I guess.
my heart was beating out of my chest
in the dream and in real life
as I slept in a cold room with another you
in Connecticut.
finally Matt and the boys showed up
so I had a buffer.
we took shots and reminisced about old times,
when we were young.
he could tell something was wrong with me,
but I told him I would tell him later,
as the bar was loud and I didn't want to ruin the vibe.
I went to the bathroom
in the dream and real life,
getting up, peeing, falling back to sleep
and back into the same dream.
thank goodness, because I do miss you,
and this is the only way I get to see you.
on the way back from the bathroom
is when I got a long, unbroken look at you,
sitting with your bourbon, of course,
laughing with strangers.
where was he, I wondered,
but then brushed it off
just trying to take you in.
that's when I asked Matt and Wiggy
if I could introduce them to the crowd,
maybe tell a few inside jokes up front
that only you would get.
like about benches in Union Square
and songs called Switzerland
and glasses of Gruner at a bar
on 17th street, etc, etc, etc.
but Matt was weird about it,
so I gave up and looked back at you
and that's when our eyes locked
and I gave a stupid little embarrassed smirk
out of the corner of my mouth
and you returned the gesture
and my heart left my body to move to Montana
because it couldn't take it anymore.
my heart is still racing
just from a damn dream
even as I write this.
as the Veins took the stage
and tuned their instruments,
that is when I found out why Matt was being weird
when I asked about introducing them.
you got up on stage,
took the mic from the mic stand
and gave a raucous, impressive introduction.
honestly, I was so proud,
proud of your bravado,
proud that you had the balls
to get up there and scream.
after you finished,
and the band started playing,
you got off the stage,
walked over to me
and gave me a hug,
our cheeks touching,
and I squeezed
and remembered your smell
and your small body
and I loved every unreal second of it.
then I woke up.